There are times where I don’t even want to get out of my bed and my brain scrambles like fried eggs at breakfast but that doesn’t stop me from doing the things that I love the most.
I fight and I fight hard to keep my life and friends. I cant begin to explain to you how much energy it takes to keep myself above water and to make sure that I am living my life how I want to, not how my anxiety wants me to.
So before you start judging me for coming home from a long day of work and being socially exhausted, stop for a moment and think of the effort it took for me to wake up in the morning, crawl out of bed and drag my ass to work.
After a long day of work, I want to relax my brain, maybe meditate and write and talk to my friends (Because I don’t live near them anymore its hard for me to take days to see them).
As much as I’d like to be, I am no superwoman. This battle that I fight, I cant fight it alone. If it weren’t for the support of my loving friends and siblings I wouldn’t be here. I hate thinking about it that way, but it’s the honest truth. My anxiety and my depression would of swallowed me up whole by now, if they weren’t there.
I’m tired of hearing people say that people with anxiety are just fakers, so they don’t have to actually try at life and that anxiety is not a mental illness. It is a mental illness, it cripples people, takes away their capability to have routine, for me personally, its an F5 tornado that does as much damage as it can to my brain and my body.
The other day I was drying the dishes for my uncle because he had made dinner and he washed them so it was my turn to dry, and while I was drying the dishes the world around me became fuzzy, and suddenly there was a weight on my back that caused me to take deep breaths to try and shake it off. My uncle, who has a mental illness, stopped what he was doing and asked me if I was alright.
For no reason at all, my body shook and I was so afraid to tell him that I was having an anxiety attack, so, I told him that sometimes it just gets hard to breathe. The smallest, most irrational thought in my head can turn into an anxiety attack. It was in that moment I realised that the stigma around mental illness had made me so afraid to admit that I even had one. I didn’t want to be pegged as crazy, like I’d seen so many times before with my friends and their parents.
I’ve seen so many people get judged and pushed aside in society because of mental illness, because other people thought that they weren’t fit to have a normal life, just like them.
Its disgusting how as a society, we judge people without even knowing who they are first. Everyone deserves a chance.
So, next time you notice somebody with a mental illness, just think about how they too, once had a life like you, and that you are in no place to judge them for their mental illness.
“My body thinks something is gravely wrong, but my brain doesn’t have a clue what to do about it, so it starts racing to the worst possible conclusions.” – unknown
– Love, Melissa.
Ps, we might be strangers, but if you need somebody to talk to, remember that you can shoot me an email. I am a good listener.